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"You are a Wilderness Guardian. That northern wasteland; that land of blood, desolation and death is your dominion. Tonight we are going home." ~His Lordship |
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Posted: October 23, 2009 08:56 am  | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
      IRC Nickname: Dallar Group: Event Leader Posts: 1899 Member No.: 1957 Joined: July 16, 2009 Total Events Attended: 137    | Will someone help me correct this? According to expert knowledge about half of the Danish population have an unusual bad condition. We simply move too little despite our knowledge about the importance of staying fit. That it is bad is probably caused by the fact that many still have the opinion that they have to suffer for health. The daily bike ride therefore is an excellent opportunity to beat two birds with one stone. Not alone the bike solve some of the modern society's transport issues, it also help us to stay fit. Nor is it so dangerous to ride a bike as many think. Just as long as you look out, avoid taking chances and follow the traffic rules. --------------------  Click me if you need cheering up - I guarantee happiness will blossom | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Posted: October 23, 2009 02:25 pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 IRC Nickname: DG_Keanu Group: Council Posts: 4782 Member No.: 2033 Joined: August 25, 2009 Total Events Attended: 173 | I would put: According to expert knowledge, about half of the Danish population have an unusual and detrimental condition. We simply move too little despite our knowledge about the importance of staying fit. This is probably caused by the fact that many still believe that they have to suffer to retain good health. Therefore, the daily bike ride is an excellent opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. The bike not only solves some of the modern society's transport issues; it also help us to stay fit. It is not as dangerous to ride a bike as many think, as long as you stay alert, avoid taking chances and follow the traffic rules. --------------------  [05:42] <+WG_Keanu> I think I got a semi just looking at the pic [05:42] <%kat> same | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Posted: October 23, 2009 10:14 pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 IRC Nickname: Hyperion Group: Ex-Member Posts: 1636 Member No.: 978 Joined: June 23, 2008 Total Events Attended: 141 |
Could not have written it better myself. --------------------    Dragon boots:29 Whips:2 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Posted: October 23, 2009 10:37 pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 IRC Nickname: rachellove Group: Council Posts: 6955 Member No.: 173 Joined: January 31, 2008 Total Events Attended: 305 | Great edit. I would indent the paragraphs. It gives it a cleaner look and more clear on where they begin. Rachy  --------------------  Thank you Garrett and Dallar. “The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.” ~~Colin Powell ~~  | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Posted: October 23, 2009 11:13 pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 IRC Nickname: Darth Group: Ex-Member Posts: 4601 Member No.: 838 Joined: June 12, 2008 Total Events Attended: 558 | Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? --------------------  | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Posted: October 23, 2009 11:25 pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 IRC Nickname: Gorgemaster Group: Elite Guardian Posts: 9840 Member No.: 3 Joined: December 26, 2007 Total Events Attended: 540 | /me facepalms --------------------    | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Posted: October 24, 2009 01:10 am | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 IRC Nickname: Kurt Cobain Group: Guest Posts: 329 Member No.: 1619 Joined: January 7, 2009 Total Events Attended: 2 |
Its good, but I'd change a couple of things stylistically. You could leave them there if you want, but I'd probably take them out to shed some words. You'll see what I did after reading it: According to expert knowledge, about half of the Danish population have an unusual and detrimental condition. We simply move too little despite our knowledge about the importance of staying fit. This is probably caused by many that still believe they have to suffer to retain good health. Therefore, the daily bike ride is an excellent opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. The bike not only solves some of modern society's transportation issues, but it also help us to stay fit. It is not as dangerous to ride a bike as many think, as long as you stay alert, avoid taking chances, and follow traffic laws. --------------------  Thanks Sam for an awesome job and an awesome wait! 
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Posted: October 31, 2009 10:52 pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| IRC Nickname: Dallar Group: Event Leader Posts: 1899 Member No.: 1957 Joined: July 16, 2009 Total Events Attended: 137 | You don't have to continue correcting this text  I got it back with an A+ -------------------- Click me if you need cheering up - I guarantee happiness will blossom | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Help with my English!