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 scrambled poem needs to be placed in order, title: when you're sorry
Posted: March 9, 2010 04:32 pmTop
   
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IRC Nickname: Sgtswordfish
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hello. i'm actually quite particular about poetry and as a developing poet i find it hard to place things in chronological order that will essentially make sense. so here goes my request

objective:

i need suggestions as to how place this order using an analythical approach to the phases human beings go thru when they feel sorry.

background:

the ideal of sorry is demonstrated throughout the poem as a journey or quest with an unsure or unfound destination. it places the reader into the perspective of the person that is hurt instead of the person that has committed the hurting. it emphasizes change above the actual act of placing things right and above all. it enthusiastically approaches the victim to encourage the person who committed the deed to challenge itself in a manner that benefits both parties. the poem emphasis itself can be shown thru the main idea of repetition as sorry is repeated as the first sentence with three supporting thoughts that work unconsciously. the rhyme scheme is free rhyme.

QUOTE
when you say i'm sorry
what does it mean?
because you care?
because you're sad?
because of conscience?

while you say i'm sorry
soothing does not come
gladness, there is none
except for a soft adeu
goodbyes aren't enough

you say i'm sorry
commit to yourself
believe in yourself
never to fall again
even if it's possible

after you say i'm sorry
life becomes anew
we can move onwards
become better than yesterday
tomorrow is a new day

when you feel sorry
you're not alone..ever
we'll be there always
side by side forever
guarding you with tenderness

if you say you're sorry
excuses aren't enough
you admit it's wrong
you set your perspectives
now's time for action!

now that you're sorry
establish your path true
live to fulfill happiness
dream to start anew
you're free to be you!

thus, when you say you're sorry
don't forget the memories
don't be afraid to be you
be afraid of losing yourself
don't let doubt cloud you




sidenotes:

this poem started more as a post for mtoise although i did not know who he was. the fact that he left wg and his post title made me realize that what if i was in his shoes. how did he feel, how does he respond, what was going thru his mind, heart, soul. is sorry the end. these where questions that certainly became composed within this poem. thus

dedication to mtoise. awesome WG member


also i'll be coming here now that i've discovered the study room. most likely it will be more to find out points of view and responces that are by far separate than my own. this is sure to be exciting!
 
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Posted: March 19, 2010 04:36 pmTop
   


IRC Nickname: Stokenut
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tl;dr
Would be tempted if you learned how to capitalize.
 
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Over 6 years of history and friendship, deleted over a difference in an opinion.

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Challenge any creationist to a debate.
They'll run away and aggressively accuse you of "attacking" them and their "beliefs".
I'm sorry, please, keep teaching our kids that they'll burn in hell if they don't believe. Mutilate their genitals against their will while you're at it. Keep influencing politics and holding back vital scientific research.
I'll just keep my mouth shut to "respect" your "beliefs".

Posted: March 24, 2010 11:43 pmTop
   


IRC Nickname: markenzie1
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nice poem, although its not my style to whrite without rhyme i still like it=D.
wish i could help, but i can't understand hhalf whats said here (due my crappy english)
 
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Posted: March 30, 2010 06:44 pmTop
   
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IRC Nickname: Tnuac
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Loving the idea. I can't really make sense of the poem description though hash.png

Poem itself is good, but the ending could be a touch better, just more y'know, summary-esque
 
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