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"You are a Wilderness Guardian. That northern wasteland; that land of blood, desolation and death is your dominion. Tonight we are going home." ~His Lordship |
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Posted: April 13, 2011 01:52 pm  | |
     IRC Nickname: WizardOfGod Group: Banned Posts: 808 Member No.: 2429 Joined: October 13, 2010 Total Events Attended: 40    | Life Lessons Lesson 1: Naked Wife A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,… “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?” Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2 A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.” Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Lesson 3 A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.” Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Lesson 4 A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. Lesson 5: Power of Charisma A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there. Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Moral of the story: 1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend 3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut! ~The story of the day~ My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car --------------------  Finally the #1 fisher in WG :) Wilderness Guardian's Top Fighters F2P Safe- Levylov F2P Dangerous- Levylov P2P Hybridding- Ching P2P Dangerous- Ching P2P Safe- Levylov Wanna take these ranks down join the 1v1 ladder! http://www.wildernessguardians.com/forum/i...showtopic=22029 |
Posted: April 13, 2011 03:47 pm | |
 IRC Nickname: Bam Group: Emeritus Posts: 2762 Member No.: 131 Joined: January 20, 2008 Total Events Attended: 111 | the first 3 ones are really awesome, had a good laugh. The last one though, i've heard it from the movie Killers with Silvester Stalone and banderas, found that kindof funny. --------------------   |
Posted: April 13, 2011 04:49 pm | |
 IRC Nickname: Dallar Group: Event Leader Posts: 1899 Member No.: 1957 Joined: July 16, 2009 Total Events Attended: 137 | I had a good read. Like Bam said.. First three are hilarious, specially the one with the Genie and the one with the priest  --------------------  Click me if you need cheering up - I guarantee happiness will blossom |
Posted: April 14, 2011 07:13 am | |
 IRC Nickname: `Woof Group: Ex-Member Posts: 488 Member No.: 2301 Joined: June 24, 2010 Total Events Attended: 52 | I loved these! The first three were probably the best. Priest one was great. I saw the one about the condoms on Facebook the other day. :S -------------------- They call me the Master woof   |
Posted: April 15, 2011 07:57 pm | |
 IRC Nickname: Gorgemaster Group: Elite Guardian Posts: 9840 Member No.: 3 Joined: December 26, 2007 Total Events Attended: 540 | Lesson 2 made me giggle, the rest were also humorous!  --------------------    |
Posted: April 15, 2011 08:31 pm | |
 IRC Nickname: Group: Raid Leader Posts: 1110 Member No.: 2430 Joined: October 14, 2010 Total Events Attended: 77 | Heard No.2 before, but that was a good chuckle. Liked no.3 and no.4 as it's so true lol -------------------- |
Posted: April 15, 2011 09:34 pm | |
 IRC Nickname: Raging_Mage2 Group: Guardian Posts: 749 Member No.: 2588 Joined: February 7, 2011 Total Events Attended: 42 | Good read haha --------------------  #1 In Heaven's Slayer Challenge ## Originally WG since 16/05/06   v -Click below for Goals & Achievement Thread- v  |
Posted: April 16, 2011 05:06 am | |
 IRC Nickname: Garrett_xD Group: Elite Guardian Posts: 1316 Member No.: 2159 Joined: November 28, 2009 Total Events Attended: 132 | lold at 1-3 and the story of the day --------------------  |
Posted: April 17, 2011 09:39 pm | |
 IRC Nickname: Bhuler Group: Guest Posts: 50 Member No.: 2701 Joined: April 16, 2011 Total Events Attended: 1 | I liked them all but strange enough i'm the opposite of everybody else. I haven't heard them all and i liked the last ones better than the first ones. The Priest one was very nice though  --------------------  |
Posted: April 18, 2011 12:40 am | |
 IRC Nickname: Havochaha Group: Ex-Member Posts: 2257 Member No.: 106 Joined: January 5, 2008 Total Events Attended: 113 | The "story of the day" is actually a condom commercial Edit 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwDXCGXtBKY -------------------- Havochaha Perm Banned Oct 1st 2009 Havochaha Unbanned February 13th 2011  http://www.erepublik.com/en/referrer/Omar+Dandan How to Make 10m an Hour |
Posted: April 18, 2011 02:09 pm | |
 IRC Nickname: Zooby Group: Guest Posts: 1669 Member No.: 1464 Joined: November 12, 2008 Total Events Attended: 109 | Funny as -------------------- A Revolution without dance is a Revolution not worth having at all Lightbulbs die my sweet, I will depart |
Posted: April 18, 2011 04:02 pm | |
| IRC Nickname: Rodney75 Group: Council Posts: 1683 Member No.: 2109 Joined: October 29, 2009 Total Events Attended: 154 | Nice read, some important messages there! --------------------  |
Life Lessons