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"You are a Wilderness Guardian. That northern wasteland; that land of blood, desolation and death is your dominion. Tonight we are going home." ~His Lordship |
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Posted: February 27, 2008 09:21 am  | |||
      IRC Nickname: Kiwi011 Group: Emeritus Posts: 3052 Member No.: 40 Joined: December 30, 2007 Total Events Attended: 21    | Corporate Lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Corporate Lesson 2 A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand down to her leg.The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide down to her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Corporate Lesson 3 A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Corporate Lesson 4 A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. Corporate Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," the turkey sighed, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull." They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was soon spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top,but it won't keep you there. ------------------------ hope you enjoyed. --------------------  | ||
Posted: February 28, 2008 02:05 am | |||
 IRC Nickname: Gibble00 Group: Emeritus Posts: 775 Member No.: 100 Joined: January 3, 2008 Total Events Attended: 9 | Lol'd I like the first and last  --------------------  | ||
Posted: February 29, 2008 12:19 am | |||
 IRC Nickname: chip54321 Group: Emeritus Posts: 532 Member No.: 119 Joined: January 11, 2008 Total Events Attended: 197 |  !nice! --------------------      | ||
Posted: February 29, 2008 03:12 am | |||
| IRC Nickname: Group: Guests Posts: Member No.: 0 Joined: January 1, 1970 Total Events Attended: 1 | !  -------------------- | ||
Posted: April 7, 2008 02:21 pm | |||
 IRC Nickname: Mickey Group: Emeritus Posts: 5305 Member No.: 48 Joined: December 30, 2007 Total Events Attended: 282 |  1 I like the first and last one too. Lol, where di you find this? --------------------    | ||
Posted: April 7, 2008 10:15 pm | |||
| IRC Nickname: Kiwi011 Group: Emeritus Posts: 3052 Member No.: 40 Joined: December 30, 2007 Total Events Attended: 21 |
internet. and i love how you bumped a 2 month topic lol. -------------------- | ||
Posted: April 8, 2008 02:33 am | |||
| IRC Nickname: Tttkaab|Brandon Group: Ex-Member Posts: 622 Member No.: 123 Joined: January 12, 2008 Total Events Attended: 53 | That's some funny stuff Kiwi. Lol glad you shared  Brandon -------------------- Ex-Wilderness Leader of WG. I'll always be here for the people that need me. RS Accounts: Sadcon1, Tttkaab & T Dwag | ||
Life's Corporate Lessons, read it ffs it will make you LOL